Avoidance

I know all the tricks. All the ways we hide. The ways we put off inspiration–that desire to paint, to dance, to exercise–by cleaning that pile of papers in the corner or by hitting next on Netflix.

Maybe you don’t know who you really are or why you’re here. Maybe the world sometimes feels so overwhelming, and it’s hard enough to just pull yourself out of bed every morning to face the day. I get it.

I’ve been there, and every day can be hard. And I can say from years of experience that shutting myself off to my feelings, to those small moments of inspiration and “what if” in favor of focusing on the necessary things like working to put food on the table, served to leave me sad, depressed and disconnected.

Few of us have the luxury of living a life where we don’t have to think about the mundane: our families, our bills, or the news of the day. But what is life if we have nothing that brings us moments of joy and lifts us beyond the everyday?

I know it sounds morbid, but I think a lot about what I will feel when I am on my deathbed. Will I be pleased about the number of projects I completed on time for my employers, or about the legacy I have left in the hearts of the people who matter most to me? It is that thought that spurs me to push beyond that wall of doubt that can sometimes loom so large as to shut out all light.

I know that what scares me most is the list of  nagging questions: What if I fail? What if what I create isn’t sublime? What if no-one else notices or cares? But the one that has gotten me moving is, What if we don’t try at all?